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She is 25 and I am She started working a year ago in the restaurant where I work, and I slowly fell for her. One night she was drunk and asked me to kiss her. I did, and from then on followed three months of total bliss. We were so good for each other and she meant the world to me and I loved to make her laugh.

A Year in Girl Hell Series

I felt I had met my soulmate. She was, and still is, living with a guy whom she claims to love, but whom she continually cheats on once she has drink in her. She is a compulsive flirt, and messes with her hair all the time, wanting all the guys to look at her. I get angry when she does this. In fact, I feel she does it just to make me angry.

She means the world to me - but of late, things have gone from bad to worse. I've done loads of things to try to get back in her good books. On her birthday, she hated me with a passion, but I still went ahead and bought her a birthday present. She wasn't one bit appreciative. The following week, a relative of hers died and I attended the funeral. When I approached to sympathise, she turned to stone, even though she wept in the arms of other friends. Recently, I have become more and more angry at her flirtatious nature.

Why and for what reason you are doing this shit?

And I'm angry too at the fact that even though she is cheating on her boyfriend - who, incidentally, is also cheating on her - it's not him she's hurting, it's me. Their relationship exists purely as a convenience. I treated her like a princess, but I guess I got too possessive. I've cried so many nights over her, and I don't see this trend ending soon. I just can't get her out of my head. We exchanged some spiteful texts a while ago that really cut deep. She said I was the worst thing that ever happened to her. I also waited for her outside work one day to try to talk to her, but she ran off.

She then described me to a friend as a 'freak'. I felt like looking in the mirror to make sure I wasn't a monster. And she claimed she'd made a complaint to the gardai about my nuisance calls. I admit I may have gone overboard, but I don't have a criminal record, and I don't want one. There's a big difference between intentionally being a nuisance, and just being perceived as one.

Unfortunately, however, what I did is punishable by law. But, being a slut is not a crime. The Christmas party is in January, and I know in my heart that she'll kiss someone as soon as she does what she does best - get drunk. I'll then be angry, and it will all get even worse. All my friends say the same thing - get her out of your head, she's not worth it.

Shocking! The Real Reason Revealed Blac Chyna's 18-Year-Old Boyfriend Dumped Her

But the more she hates me, the harder I try to make it up with her, even though I'm not the one doing the flirting and the cheating. I know she will always be a cheat, and that I could never go out with her because of this, but I still love her so much. It's not even sexual. All I want to do right now is hug her.

I'm as easy-going as they come. But I can be easily hurt. And I think she might sleep with someone just to destroy me. I've felt suicidal, and have been suffering from a severe depression since she went off with someone one night last June. I was told that my suicide would, if I were lucky, inflict a mere day-long guilt trip on her. But she'd probably be relieved, and rejoice that she could now flirt in peace. Things look like they might go from bad to worse. She was so sweet and kind and loving in the beginning.

Now she is loose, selfish and has no conscience about being easy. Behind that sweet facade is a devil woman. And I fell into a hell that I helped to create. I'd never hurt her, but I know she will always hurt me, and enjoy it. She even succeeded in turning her sister, some of her friends, and my own father against me. He hasn't actually said it, but he probably thinks I'm a stalker.

Dumping someone via text is The Worst, here's why

This has done wonders for my ego. They know her side of the story, not mine. And I won't even bother telling them. I know that no matter how hard I try, I cannot change her. This is just who she is and as long as she is working near me, I will inflict emotional torture upon myself. Like I said, this is a hopeless scenario. ALIFE demands that we make decisions, from issues as simple as when it is safe to cross the road to questions as complex as the morality of war.

Luckily, we are designed by nature not only to make such decisions by using our brain and heart and instinct, but to actually enjoy making decisions - think of a very young child and how he always wants to do it his way.


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And it goes further. As human beings we actually need to make our own decisions, to call it as we see it. That is an integral part of being an individual. We're not robots, we're real. On the other hand, we also make mistakes, make the wrong call. To err is to be human. It's also an integral part of being an individual. The problem is, some mistakes are easy to accept - like taking the wrong turn on a complicated road journey - and some are very hard to accept. It takes a long time to concede that we've married the wrong man or woman, which is why marital breakdown hurts so much, and why the hurt goes on for so long.

I think what I've learned over the years is that the mistakes which are hardest to accept are the ones which are loaded with emotion. Parents find it so terribly hard to accept that they got something wrong, because they feel so guilty. After all, you're supposed to know how to parent, you're supposed to love your children, so how could you damage them with your behaviour?

Of course, all parents do. In fact, in many ways, parenting is an exercise in damage limitation - trying to get it right, trying to suppress our own demons, trying to avoid passing on our own hurt and anxiety and anger. And, of course, we get it wrong very often when it comes to romantic love. Because so many emotions ride piggyback on such love - our sense of ourselves, our hopes and fears about the opposite sex, our desire to be loved and wanted, our fear of rejection, anxiety about our own inadequacy, our attitudes to sex and love itself.

Romantic love is wonderful. It is also a mountain of emotional baggage - for everybody. I've gone on about all this - and sorely tried your patience in the process, no doubt - because I'm trying to make it easier for you to step back from your feelings about this girl.

Dumping someone via text is The Worst, here's why ยท The Daily Edge

The bald truth is that you've got it wrong. I just hope you can see that this is not unique, or unusual. And it's certainly not the end of the world.

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We're all stubborn about our perceptions of the world. We have to be, otherwise we could never make a decision, never take an independent step - indeed, never take any action at all. And sometimes that stubbornness renders us blind to mistakes. Yours is a case in point.


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  8. This girl flirted with you, asked you to kiss her, and you fell for her. That's all there ever was, a mild flirtation. The first three months were bliss not because you two had a relationship, which you did not, but because you were able to dream, fantasise, avoid the truth for that period. A View from Forever. Everything but the Truth. A Girl Called Deirdre Duck. Alex and The Other. Alex and the Warrior. Queen Sardine and Princess Persia. The Monster In My Head. Bindi Behind the Scenes 4: How to write a great review.

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